I’ve been thinking about him lately. I was just wondering how much did I know him? And I realised not that much actually. I barely knew anything about his family. I’ve never met his parents nor his siblings. Well I never had the chance actually. I hardly knew much about his past and I sometimes feel guilty for not knowing him well. Maybe because I felt like I wasn’t really close to him. Or was I? It makes me wonder? The “him” that I’m referring to is actually my father… Yes my father, whom I lost due to cancer 14 years ago.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. ”
It has been more than a decade now but the memory still lingers on. It was pretty difficult initially but eventually time took over the healing process. I still miss him though. Occasionally, he does appear in my dreams. Mostly just observing without uttering a word. As if he just dropped by to see how I was doing? Checking on me maybe? Sometimes I feel like he appears to be cautioning me on certain aspects of my life… Yes I agree, we all do mistakes at times. Well, I guess he is my guardian angel after all.
I think I never really told him how much I loved him… and I still do. Like I said, most probably because I felt like I was never really close to him. I mean we did have the father-daughter bond and on top of that I was the youngest so I guess he might have had a soft spot for me. Well, he was a lovely father. He did have much love for his children… I wouldn’t complain. He did the best that he could, at least during the final days of his life. I never had the chance to say sorry to him for everything that I might have done or said to hurt him. What I regret the most is that I wish I’d taken the trouble to get to know him better.
For those of you out there, if your father is still with you, my only advice is please do get to know him (I’m sure most of you do but it’s just that how well do you know your dad?). Interview him if possible and learn about his life. You never know, you might even be surprised by the outcome.
~ Mysterious Mind ©